ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
