God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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