He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize