i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize