evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
