I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
