Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
