Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
