I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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