I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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