my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
