1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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