if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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