We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
