I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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