Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
