I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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