Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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