Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize