i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
