On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
