just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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