so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
