LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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