I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize