I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
