Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
