I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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