you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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