I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
