Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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