Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
