he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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