Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
should my penis look like a turkey
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
