You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
