That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
