Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
