she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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