Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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