if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
how drunk are you?
Several
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
