I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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