In America we eat man semen.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
