His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize