using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
