I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How does it feel to date your dad?
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