It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
