dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
