My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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