There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
