I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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