Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
third nipple confirmed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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