let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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