if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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