No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
