i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
