What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
