i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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