I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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