I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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