she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
