I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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