did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
