your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
