Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
