How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
birth control should be required to get into college
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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